Traveling alone in the big, wide, world.
It is true, one of the real reasons why I suddenly started traveling was because I was dumped. This isn’t a post that I had ever planned on writing. Not only because I find getting dumped slightly embarrassing and traumatic but mostly because I never wanted anything to do with him again after we broke up. Nor did I want him to be the reason for the awesomeness that would soon come in my life.
Being awesome, obvi.
I have seen posts written by Ayngelina “The Year I Walked Away From Love”, and Liz How Blogging Saved Me – Breaking up to Travel and other travellers that focus on making the decision to break up with someone to follow their dreams to travel. I wanted to shed light on the other side of the relationship. The dumpee. I have been the dumpee in every relationship I can remember, never being the dumper.
Growing up I traveled a fair bit with my family, never going any further than Canada or the US. I had always dreamed of seeing the world, visiting Australia to see the koalas and so on, but in my head I never had a plan of when and if that would happen. I would finish my film degree at NSCAD, work in the Film and TV industry and that was all I knew and planned. Because I had this boyfriend I didn’t see a need to plan any further.
It was one of those relationships where you either hangout with his friends or her friends. For some reason I let myself become the girl that thought he was my everything and sadly ignored my friends to hang out with him and his friends. Something I now regret greatly, but thankfully I have some great friends who forgave me for it.
I had my first taste of European travel in April 2006. A 22 day “school trip” with my University around France. I had planned it for a while and was excited to go. A week or two before I left, he broke up with me for some reason that I can’t remember but while away he realized his “mistake” and by the time the trip was over he was picking me up at the airport.
My first trip to Europe / first taste of freedom?
Over the summer of 2007 our relationship became a bit strained and there was this girl that was around more often then I would of liked. Then after one night at the bars we fought about it. I won’t go into the details, but a week later I was single and he told me I was crazy for thinking anything about her.
We haven’t spoken since.
A month later they were dating. (Later engaged and now married. See, I’m not crazy.)
Two months later I was on a flight to Europe for the second time and, even though I was incredibly distraught (as you are at 23 when your 4 year relationship is lost) this trip helped me learn a lot of things about myself, who I am/was and a bit about what I wanted in life. It was hard to see then but I know now, that I was never going to marry that guy. I’m pretty sure I liked the idea of having a boyfriend more than anything. It hurt a lot, but I have grown A LOT since then, I’ve become a better person and have lived an amazing life.
I AM living an amazing life.
That trip to Europe in 2007 after the break up is still one of my favorite trips to date. I made so many awesome new friends from around the world that I am still in touch with now. That trip inspired me to keep traveling and was when I became diagnosed with the travel bug.
My second visit to Europe on a trip that changed my life forever, for the better.
It wasn’t my decision to break up, but it was my decision to travel and have a better life. I’m proud to say I’m no longer traveling the world because I was dumped but now because I’m in love with travel. Someday on my travels I hope to find my Prince Charming somewhere in this world. I’m waiting. If you know him can you please tell him to hurry up?
I want to hear your stories about what inspired you to start traveling. Please leave a comment below or shoot me an email! cailinoneil (at) travelyourself.ca
23 Comments
Angel_eyes
August 13, 2014 at 8:16 pmGosh, I think I’m a little late replying on this post. But I hope the author gets to read this.
I totally feel you, getting dumped is a devastating experience. I lost my mother then after a year my bf dumped me 2 days my bday. We got back together only for him to dump me again just yesterday-via txt. Asshole, I know!
Breaking up will shatter your core and will trick your mind into believing that your life is over.
Months before the break up I have been having thoughts about going to Africa and Europe. I wasn’t planning on telling him right away because he was never as passionate as I am when it comes to traveling. Now that I look back, I can see the way he resents me whenever I achieve something good. I finished a marathon and travelled in Asia alone. He said he is proud of me but I felt a sense of hatred and jealousy. He is a very competitive guy.
But now that he dumped me I finally booked my flight! i cannot wait to go on my solo adventure. I hope this heals me.
Angel :)
Karen
April 11, 2013 at 1:19 amHi Cailin. Funny, while travel ‘cured’ you from your heartaches, it was the reason why I had to go through mine. It was unfortunate that I fell in love with someone who didn’t share – or even just understand – my passion for travel. I loved him to death but he was just not at all like me. All he wanted to do was work, work, and work. He had no time and no interest in having fun. So I had to let him go. It took me 9 years but I finally realized he was not at all for me. After crying my eyes out for a week, I booked a flight to Singapore and has never stopped traveling since! I get lonely at times without him, even with new found friends, but whatever! My Prince Charming will find me one day, and so will yours! Good luck to both of us!
Cailin
April 23, 2013 at 12:25 pmthanks Karen! You will definitely find him someday! :)
Shauna
April 7, 2013 at 10:34 pmA truly courageous post. When you open up to your readers like this, you will absolutely connect with them in a meaningful way. Brave girl. :)
Cailin
April 23, 2013 at 12:25 pmThanks Shauna! Means a lot coming from you :)
Cat
March 25, 2013 at 2:30 pmKudos, chica. We’ve all been there! There is no greater reward than knowing that your life is way cooler than it would have been if things had worked out.
P.S. I’ll be your boyfriend!
Cat
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:39 pmThanks Cat! You can be my boyfriend any day!! :)
Megan
March 22, 2013 at 4:11 pmI really appreciated reading this post. I think sometimes as bloggers we don’t want to share the most personal/intimate parts of our lives, but when we do, it seems like people respond so well to them–knowing that your life might be similar in some ways to theirs.
Every time I have been dumped, my instant reaction is to flee. Pick somewhere and go. It’s never been for an extended period of time, but travel has always been my shoulder to lean on, of sorts. More recently, I realized that the almost-4-year relationship that I was in no longer meant as much to me as my love for travel and my desire to just be free. He could never truly understand my desire to want to be on the go. That’s when I decided that it was no longer a healthy relationship because for too long I’d compromised myself and my wants for him and his.
I think that sometimes the greatest things come of the worst situations. As has for you, for the other bloggers you mentioned, and I hope for myself!
(btw, I can’t wait to meet you at the Blog House!)
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:40 pmThanks for the great comment Megan! Lets hope everything works out for the best for all of us :) Can’t wait to meet you too!
Abraham
March 22, 2013 at 6:21 amgod… you are such a strong person and sweet inside I believe. Your passion in traveling and discovering didn’t change and you already gone through tough times. I traveled so many times around the US. The reason why I travel is the way i grew up. I am more into places that has beautiful nature. When i was a kid i used to watch lots of programs about nature and animals and they became my favorite shows. I became very attached to those programs more that cartoons. Now i am 20 years old and my dreams of seeing the beauty of the world is being achieved a day by a day because i am old enough to make it where my desire is.
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:41 pmThank you Abraham! Living your life the way you love it is the greatest isn’t it? :)
Vinnie
March 22, 2013 at 3:29 amI liked your honesty and the way you showed your wounds and the way travel managed to heal them. One piece of advice though, do not wait for prince charming, let him wait for you, the most amazing and special person he will ever find.
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:42 pmThanks Vinnie, that is a good tip. Very wise :)
Alouise
March 22, 2013 at 1:49 amIt’s always interesting to hear why someone starts traveling, and I know you’re not the only person who traveled after break up. Me? I got the travel bug because of a job that made me miserable (which also seems to be a common traveler origin story). I skipped work one day, watched a travel show on tv about Seattle, and realized that I didn’t have to work constantly without going anywhere.
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:42 pmI’m glad to know that we have all been inspired to travel in interesting ways :)
JR Riel
March 21, 2013 at 6:18 amWow, Cailin, thanks for sharing that background with us. I imagine it isn’t really a subject you relish in rehashing. I am fiercely private about my personal relationship life myself, but I can see why it is such a meaningful and important subject to share. Thanks for putting this out there for all of us who are traveling for our own, soul searching reasons.
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 2:43 pmThanks JR, I’m glad I could get it out, its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders :)
Bobbi Lee Hitchon
March 20, 2013 at 3:52 pmThere’s no shame is being dumped-I think it happens to everyone-but it looks like your dumping turned out to be a good thing! Way to take a shit situation and turn it into something positive. What I try to tell myself when I’m feeling down about rejection (boys, work, all sorts) is that it wasn’t just me that wasn’t right for them, they probably weren’t right for me either. Otherwise it would have worked out. You were meant to roam the world-free! Can you imagine if that never happened and you never left???
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 11:26 pmThanks Bobbi!! I can’t even begin to think about where I would be and what I would being if it didn’t happen!
Melissa - The Mellyboo Project
March 20, 2013 at 3:20 pmCailin, I can totally relate to this. While I wasn’t the dumpee… I was pretty much forced into the situation – a long, painful story that I still don’t feel like airing out all over the internet. It sucked. He was my everything for 3 years… I could even easily picture the white picket fence (figuratively of course). A year later I found a 24yr old me, in Australia, doing my working holiday as I had always wanted to – but while I was with him, had put on hold, since he couldn’t also do one due to the fact he was already in his mid-30s. During my first few days away, I found out that he had gotten engaged… and all I could think is “good riddance” and “if only she knew.” Needless to say… I fell in love with travel. It woke something up inside me and I wouldn’t ever give up that experience for all the tea in China!
Glad to know that there are others who have had the same circumstances initiate their incredible lives on the road. :)
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 11:44 pmGlad I’m not the only one Mel :) Thanks for sharing your story with me :)
Amy
March 20, 2013 at 1:35 pmI just wrote about this! I started traveling when a relationship I was in started going south. Ran away to Paris for the weekend on a days notice. Four months later I did the same thing but went to Thailand. That was the beginning of the travel and the end of the relationship.
Cailin
April 1, 2013 at 11:50 pmWow! Those are big trips to just take on a whim! But I’m glad to know that you are now happier for it! :)